I was committed to breastfeeding Violet. I went to breastfeeding groups, read books and even took online courses. I knew the advantages of breast milk and it was important to me. I understand and respect all choices even more so now after the struggles. While breastfeeding is natural that doesn’t mean it is easy and that things will run smoothly. Violet had an extremely painful latch that was toe-curling and brought me to tears many times. I saw 3 different Lactation Consultants, watched YouTube videos, and got tips from my pediatrician, but nothing helped when I was home nursing alone. Violet was evaluated for a lip and tongue tie and she had both. This explained the pain and she had all the symptoms (taking in air, crying and sleeping at the breast, slow weight gain, and a shallow latch). Brian and I researched lip and tongue ties, listened to a podcast about it, and decided to take Violet to a highly recommended specialist in NYC for the minute-long procedure. Nursing typically improves a week after the release, but in our case, it didn’t. I read that Violet would have to now learn that she has full mobility of her tongue without restriction. After tirelessly trying oral exercises, bodywork, and pushing through chomped on nipples I decided to give myself some healing time by strictly pumping. I taught myself how to use my pump and got going. Right away I had a great supply and I was able to keep up with Violet’s daily intake. It was just a short-term solution and I was going to get her back to nursing. At the end of the week, I had decided to dedicate the afternoon to get her to latch correctly. It was an hour of us both crying, and my nipples were smashed again after a week of healing. That night I made the decision to exclusively pump. I didn’t know anyone who was only pumping or if it was even a sustainable option. I had my 6-week postpartum visit a few days later and my midwife was telling me that it was difficult to keep up your supply without nursing because of the hormones that help produce milk. Plus, the washing of the parts and bottles and keeping up with pumping every 2-3 hours is a lot of added stress. I felt defeated when I left the appointment. I thought about going back to nursing, but I felt like I had post-traumatic stress from the pain and mental exhaustion it caused.

I was up late on Instagram when I came across the hashtag #exclusivelypumping. I quickly found countless profiles of pumping moms. I then joined the Facebook group Exclusively Pumping Mamas for “moms currently pumping who choose not to nurse, who cannot nurse or for other reasons are breastfeeding via bottle feeding with or without supplementation of formula.” I had uncovered an online community of 26,000 women nationwide (and in Canada) successfully pumping for their “pumplings.” It was the motivation and inspiration I needed. I read the tips that helped make the pumping journey easier and read the stories of moms that celebrated each pumping milestone from one month to two+ years. The women were so supportive and relatable. I even found that they educate you to choose correct wording when you explain exclusive pumping. I now say that I am breastfeeding without nursing. If someone asks if I’m still breastfeeding the answer is yes without a “but”. It made a difference in how I felt about it and it educates others.

I credit the purchase of a portable pump for getting me to my first breastfeeding goal. I’ve tried BellaBaby, Willow, Freemie cups with Freemie Independence pump, and Elvie. I’ve been able to purchase these pumps affordably through a Facebook pumping trade post. Sounds unsanitary and weird, but it’s not and it’s actually a huge online marketplace. You can boil, sanitize, micro steam, and use pump parts spray to safely use items. These pumps can be up to $500 and while I’m saving money not using the formula, I’ve tried so many pump parts that I got to a point I needed to chill with the spending, but still needed to get the best parts for me. I quickly learned everybody’s body is different and my nipples are on the sensitive side. The BellaBaby is an affordable pump, typically $50 on Amazon and you can find coupon codes making it as cheap as $30. This was my first taste of portable freedom. I loved not being tied to a wall outlet. I was able to pump and drive and most importantly pump and get things done. This pump had crazy strong suction. The display is a touch screen and if you accidentally pressed a button it would increase suction with no option to go back down a level, so you’d have to go through the intense suction to get back to low levels. I learned to take the tubing out if that happened so I wouldn’t subject my nipples to torture. I tried to push through because of the portability, but the suction was too much for me. I reluctantly went back to my Medela Pump in Style and was back to my recliner seat plugged into the wall 6 times a day for 30 minutes each. I saw a cheap listing on the trading post for Freemie cups with the Freemie Independence for $80 shipped. Usually, the cups alone are $60 and I really wanted to try them because lots of pumpers say the cups are a game-changer. I have elastic nipples which is when the areola gets pulled through the tunnel of the flange and your nipples swell no matter what size flange you use. I read it can reduce your output, so I was constantly looking for pump parts that were specifically for elasticity. One pumper commented that silicone inserts in Freemie cups saved her nips so I jumped on that opportunity to buy the cups with another portable pump. I loved the combo as soon as I tried it. The silicone inserts worked great and I had no more pulling or swelling. The cups go in your bra and there is tubing you can put under your clothes discretely that goes into a pump that you can clip on your clothes. I found that a tight nursing bra and the settings on 10 suction and 8 speed worked great for me. Reducing the speed number makes it faster which is what I did throughout my pumping session. My output was great and I got my freedom back.

As my maternity leave was coming to an end I wanted to try Willow or Elvie to be completely concealed in my bra without tubes for work. As a Human Resources Director, I’m in meetings throughout the day at work, so I knew I’d be pumping in front of people constantly. I purchased Willow on the trading post for $280 (retails $399 for the 1.0 version) and I was determined to make it work. I joined the Willow Pump Chat (Unofficial) Facebook group and read all the pros, cons, and tips. I bought accessories and was excited to have a high-tech pump. My first experience went well, and I had great output. I don’t know why things went downhill after that. The suction was too intense, and I kept getting air in the bags which stops the pump. It took me a long time to fix all of the errors and keep going. I tried for 10 days (60 pumps) and called it quits. The final straw was I had three water blisters on my right nipple, and I had trouble showering without cringing. Now I was back to work and using my Freemie Independence again which was perfectly fine. I tucked the tubes under my shirt and wore cardigans while I pumped. There is a hissing noise from the suction and the cups are oddly shaped, so it wasn’t completely discreet. Due to all my negative experiences, I figured I’d just stay with what worked and deal with the not-so-perfect design. I came across a great deal on the Elvie pump in June and went back and forth for a few days if I should try one last pump. I had heard great things from my Mother Care Class instructor and read that Elvie recently improved a feature that caused leaking. I decided to purchase it and I can say that was the best decision for me. I pump anywhere and everywhere. It is gentle, quiet, and discreet. The milk falling into the bottles can be heard if you have a forceful letdown, but nothing very noticeable. I pump openly at work every single day and even in meetings. There are minor inconveniences like needing to squat instead of bend over to avoid leaking, the measurement of ounces on the app is not accurate and milk gets on the suction discs causing you to lose suction at times due to forceful letdown. One of the best things about the pump is that you can get a clog out fast. I thought it was just me but have read other pumpers’ commenting the same.

Obviously, everyone has different experiences and no pump is perfect, but I am grateful that technology is advancing to adjust to the modern mom’s life. I would not have made it this far (9 months and still going) if I was chained to an outlet in the corner of my living room with no shirt on and bottles dangling off my chest unable to hold my baby. When I tell breastfeeding moms that I exclusively pump so many women look at me in horror because they hated/hate pumping due to the restriction and pain traditional pumps cause. When I tell non-breastfeeding moms I exclusively pump they tend to not understand why I am going to great lengths to provide breast milk. My answer is that it’s something I am passionate about; I have a great supply and I am amazed at how the body customizes the mother’s milk specifically for what the baby needs. I mean it when I say that I am not concerned or judging anyone for how they want to feed their child and I hope for the same respect. My goal is to normalize breastfeeding because it is natural and normal. Breasts are sexualized in our culture which is why many people are uncomfortable with nursing and pumping. I think more awareness and knowledge are important. Also, if a mother wants to breastfeed and hits roadblocks or difficulties like I did then I would want her to know there are other doable options because it can be very hard on a mom to not be able to breastfeed as she hoped. I want people to know that exclusively pumping is a “thing.” We put pressure on ourselves to be the best mothers on top of all the societal pressures, but you need to do what is best for you, your baby, and your mental health.

Below are the best tips I’ve learned in the pumping game:

Fridge trick- after each pumping session put your pump parts in the fridge and wash once at the end of the day.
Pitcher method- after pumping put your milk in the fridge and once chilled put it in a pitcher. Keep combining your milk until the end of the day then make the bottles for the following day. Many pumpers combine room temperature and chilled milk. I typically combine milk of the same temperatures but have never had any issues doing the other way.
Measure your nipples. You won’t reach your maximum output if you are pumping with the wrong size flanges. There are nipple rulers on Pumpables.com and Google.
Find the right products if you have elastic nipples. Silicone inserts by Maymom or Freemie help prevent the breast tissue from stretching and Pumpin’ Pals flanges are specifically designed for elastic nipples.
BeauGen cushions are practically little pumping pillows that line flanges for comfort.
A dual compartment lunch bag doubles as a great portable pump bag.
There’s rarely a need to “pump & dump” after drinking. Research shows that if you are not too drunk to drive or not too drunk to take care of your baby then your milk is fine. Also, you can mix milk from other sessions with the milk from light drinking if you want to ease your mind.
LaVie warming massagers are a lifesaver.
Freemie cups are a game-changer.
It’s important to pump on a schedule when you are building your supply in the beginning.
Water and calorie intake are important for supply. It takes an average of 500 calories to breastfeed.
Freeze your milk bags flat to save space in the freezer.
Put your frozen milk bags into large Ziplocs to organize by date.
Have grace with yourself.

Exclusive pumping is a thing

My first baby

Infant health scare nightmare