My 1st Birth Story
Just a little back story: I switched from an OBGYN to a midwifery practice, Midwives of New Jersey, at 30 weeks pregnant and committed to a natural birth. I used Mama Natural online child birthing classes to mentally prepare and Spinning Babies techniques to get the baby in optimal position before and during labor. I also hired a doula from Bloom Doulas to have additional support. I credit all these decisions to my positive and empowering birth story.
My baby girl, Violet, arrived at 41 weeks and 1 day.
Here is my birth story:
The Midwives of New Jersey host an Early Labor class for all expecting mothers after 36 weeks. It was a two-week class with great information. I am a rule follower so I took a bunch of notes on my phone of what I should do when I was in early labor. I was anxious about what early labor would look like for me and how I would know when to leave for the hospital because I live 40 minutes away from the hospital. The midwives advise if you are in early labor to rest as much as possible. That sounds crazy when you are having contractions, but it’s essential to have stamina when needed later. They suggest taking two Benadryl, or two Tylenol PMs or drinking an 8 oz glass of wine and putting yourself to sleep. I know that Benadryl knocks me out, so I marked that down as my plan when the time came. Their direction was it would be time to head to the hospital at 4-1-1, meaning the contractions are 4 minutes apart lasting a minute long for one hour. I had watched all the child birthing classes on Mama Natural’s website, read Ina May’s book, and scoured the internet for any and everything that would make me feel prepared. I looked at it like I was training for a marathon. Yes, you can run without preparing, but how far will you get? I was on my birthing ball every day and even brought it to work the last two weeks to sit on at my desk. I drank red raspberry leaf tea and ate dates. I walked as much as possible and was active till the last day. My belly was huge, but I had only gained 24 lbs. My feet never swelled, and I never had that feeling at the end of my pregnancy that I just wanted the baby out of me. Don’t get me wrong I was dying to meet my baby, but I never got to a point that pregnancy was unbearable. I did find sleeping very uncomfortable and I was achy when I woke up, but once I was up and out of bed, I was fine. It’s crazy that the end of my pregnancy was way better than the beginning. I threw up from week 7 to week 21 and had a lot of food aversions.
My due date was February 9th and since my belly was so big everyone around me expected me to go early. Everything I read said most first-time moms go 8 days late and I just knew I’d be in that statistic. (I literally gave birth 8 days late.) My husband wanted the baby to be born on his birthday, February 8th, but Violet wanted her own day. On February 15th I went for a biophysical and non-stress test to make sure my fluids were normal and to monitor the baby’s heart rate. Everything looked great and the midwife said I was having contractions 7 minutes apart. I was shocked that what I considered very mild cramps were contractions. My menstrual period has always been extremely painful, so that must have given me a strong pain tolerance. As I lay on the bed with the fetal monitor on, my midwife, Lori, sat at the end of the bed talking to me like a friend. We discussed the baby’s name and why I chose it. She told me her baby’s name and a little of her birth story. I felt so relaxed for the first time all week. I will go deeper into why I chose a midwifery practice in a separate post, but that is one of the reasons. The relationship I had with my provider was important to me. We also talked about how the next week would go because they would let me go until 42 weeks before inducing labor. The baby was ROP (right occiput posterior), also known as “sunny side up.” She was head down but face up. I tried every technique to make her move into a more desirable position, but she favored my right side. She must have been comfortable in a little nook. I felt defeated because I did not want to get induced, but I had read that posterior positioned babies tend not to engage the pelvis to make labor begin. The midwife Lori told me to relax because being anxious also makes a baby stay put. Typically, the midwives do not do cervical checks, but Lori asked if I wanted one done to see if I was dilated. I was 2cm dilated so I agreed to a membrane sweep and she sent me home telling me to call if things started moving. There are 7 midwives in the practice and in 11 weeks they did a great job of getting me in to meet all the midwives that might deliver my baby. The only one I didn’t meet was Roxie and of course, she was the on-call midwife that weekend.
I woke up the next day at 8 AM and had bloody show when I went to the bathroom. I just knew that today was the day. Brian got home from work at 8:30 AM and I told him we needed to go to sleep. We both took two Benadryl and slept until 3 PM. I got up and ordered wings and watched a documentary series. Timeable contractions began at 6 PM 8 minutes apart and quickly progressed to 2-3 minutes apart by 10 PM. To give you a visual, I was bouncing on my birth ball in my living room with Bose noise-canceling headphones on listening to Florence & the Machine. My sister thought I was meditating, and I played it off because I didn’t want anyone to know I was in labor. I didn’t want my family and friends waiting in the waiting room or worried if my labor was long. It’s all added pressure.
Since things were progressing fast, I called the midwifery practice and spoke to Roxie. I explained what was going on and she told me that I probably wasn’t in active labor because I wouldn’t be able to talk through the contractions. She asked if I wanted to meet at the practice to get checked. I told her I was going to shower and then head there. In the shower, Brian timed my contractions and they kept jumping from 3 minutes back to 2. I never had contractions that were 4 minutes apart as they told me in my class. The car ride there wasn’t fun. It was the dead of winter and I had my head out of the window like a dog on the highway. We got to Midwives of NJ at midnight and Roxie confirmed I was indeed in active labor. I decided I didn’t want to know how much I dilated because I knew I’d be focused on numbers. I labored in the tub at their office while I waited for my doula, Maria. Once my doula arrived, I labored on the birth ball and tried to relax as much as possible. The whole team, Roxie, midwife student Shayna and midwife assistant Ashley, let me decide when I wanted to move to the hospital. My contractions were close together, so I didn’t want to put off the next car ride any longer and I wanted the option to labor in the tub at the hospital. We got to the hospital around 2 am and after the initial fetal monitoring was done, I was able to labor in the shower in the dark. This was the best part of my labor. I was very much in my own head already and the hot water felt great during contractions. My doula put little battery tea lights in the bathroom, and it was so peaceful. Brian sat with me and rubbed my back. There were no lights on, and everyone was talking in hushed tones. This may sound foreign to anyone who has given birth in a hospital setting or straight-up weird if you never heard of something like this. I knew I didn’t want any interventions in labor, including an epidural. I knew that I wanted to set a tone for my labor that wouldn’t distract me or make me anxious. Morristown Medical Center is a more progressive hospital than I was used to in the sense that you can choose how you labor, and you can request a room with a labor tub. I had no concept of time but looking back now I think an hour went by and I wanted to labor in the tub. The affirmations that I repeated my entire labor that really helped were “ride the wave,” “I am stronger than this contraction because this contraction is me,” and “I’m closer to meeting Violet.” They offered me nitrous oxide (laughing gas) when I was in the tub to take the edge off and it did help me feel woozy, but after a few contractions, I felt distracted and confused by it. It was hard for me to breathe in and out in the mask as my contractions were happening. It also made me throw up, but I had already thrown up twice before that. My plan was a water birth, but the water didn’t feel good to me. It wasn’t as hot as I would want it and I didn’t feel I would be able to effectively push in the water. I decided to get out of the tub and labor on the bed. My water had never broken, but I kept having urges to push. My midwife checked me, and I was 9cm. My water never broke so since I was almost 10 cm Roxie decided to break my water. It was exactly what I imagined, a huge rush of water. Everyone kept telling me not to push yet, but I couldn’t control the urge. We did rebozo because the baby was posterior and I alternated from squatting, all fours and legs up to push. I wouldn’t have been able to effectively push if it wasn’t for all the support I had. The midwives and my doula I expected, but my husband and labor nurse, Loren, were so motivating and supportive. I pushed for under an hour and the words that made me push the hardest were “she has so much hair!” I knew everyone was seeing my baby before me and I wanted to meet her so bad. I also assumed she’d be a bald baby because I never had heartburn. Violet was born at 8:45 AM 9 lbs 13 oz and 21 3/4 inches long. I am 5’5 typically 138 lbs. so this was a huge baby for my frame, and I know my previous OBGYN would have scheduled a c-section for me. The midwives don’t do weight checks leading up to birth and now I understand why. If I knew ahead of time that I was going to push out an almost 10 pounder that would have psyched me out. Violet was also born with a compound elbow which means her elbow was up by her head when she was coming it. It’s truly amazing what our bodies are capable of enduring.
Everyone kept telling me I rocked my birth, but Brian deserves recognition too. We agreed to hire a doula because we both had no idea what to expect in labor and felt I would need that type of coaching and support. While I think doulas are awesome and necessary, Brian was my rock. He stayed by my side the whole time even though my eyes were closed, and I was entranced. There were a lot of people in the room with me so he could have easily stepped away to pee or eat, but he didn’t. He fed me honey sticks (for energy) and coconut water, he told me how great I was doing and held the bag as I threw up multiple times. He sat in the bathroom as I zoned out in the shower and rubbed my back at the edge of the birthing tub. I should have expected it because of the way he supported every decision I made in pregnancy and was quick to put anyone in their place that was negative about my birth plan. He watched all the child birthing classes and videos. He made sure I ate all the pregnancy super foods and helped me do my exercises. He had emergency plans in place if there was a snowstorm and even booked a hotel for us by the hospital. I can’t wait to tell Violet how awesome her dad was bringing her into the world.
A lot of people are curious about the pain without an epidural. The contractions were painful, but there was relief between them, and I was even dozing off before the next one came. The worst part was when Violet’s head was crowning, I felt the “ring of fire” which is like someone holding a lighter to your vagina and burning you in a circular motion. No biggie. Just kidding, it is as horrible as it sounds. Thankfully that part didn’t last long, and it made me push as best I could to get passed that part. I think what differs most from a medicated birth is feeling like you’re in an altered mind state. The midwives (tastefully) photographed the birth and looking at the photos I realized there are parts that I don’t remember because I was in my own head the entire time. It amazed me how natural it was and that my body just knew what it was doing. It’s a very primal experience if you allow it to be. I know so many women that doubt their abilities because birth has been made to be terrifying and painful. Women are stronger than they even know.
While I am so happy with my natural birth experience, this isn’t to say that an unmedicated birth is better than a medicated one or vaginal over cesarean. It is to stress the importance of being informed, taking control, feeling respected, preparing, and removing fear out of birth. In my opinion, that is how you have a positive birth story.
